she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
