Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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