Quick, to the slutcave!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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