we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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