This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
