I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
