Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
