A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
