i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
