we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
