wanna go halves on a baby?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
