moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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