Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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