I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
