He disabled his match.com account in front of me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
