I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
