Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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