I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
