Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
