who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
