I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
