Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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