they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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