Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
