9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
