dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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