My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
