How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
