Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
