i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
