shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize