Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
