I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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