somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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