I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so that wasnt chicken after all
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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