And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up under a house in Key West
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
