There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
