I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have tasted many bathrooms
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
