I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
