Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
