R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
