im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
