Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
