You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
