girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
