Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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