She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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