1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
