So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
