Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
