how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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