Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
