I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
