There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
