do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
