either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
