I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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