quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
