guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
