Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
