woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
