You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize