you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
