Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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