i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
