I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
