i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
