tell your sister to shave her snatch
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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