I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
