She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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