I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
